A New York Knicks Site Guaranteed To Make ‘Em Jump

a story as old ace time. A tradition predating not only The Strickland, but some say predating Naismith himself. Archaeologists and anthropologists have vigorously debated when this practice began, with factions warring over the correct answer and no clear winner in sight. Providing key insight into the human psyche, a window into the mind and a keyhole into the soul, the disrespectful draft comparisons authored by the scribe known only as “Prez” arrive yearly, suddenly, without warning or scientific explanation. Join us as we dive into this deepest part of the basketball internet, but be warned: Prez cannot be held accountable for always being correct. Enter at your own risk.

FYI: Each bullet point, first to last, corresponds to a high-end outcome — a really good and unlikely career, a medium level outcome (much more likely), and low end outcome (unlucky, awful, disappointing, etc.). And each link in the player’s name takes you to their Strickland draft profile.

Chet Holmgren

Paolo Banchero

Jabari Smith Jr.

  • high: Supersize Me Danny Granger

  • medium: Bikram Yoga Guru, locking-up-on-defense Danilo Gallinari

  • low: Down Souf Donyell Marshall

Keegan Murray

  • high: Iowa Cornfields Khris Middleton

  • medium: Way less athletic, way better shooting, way less fucking annoying Richard Jefferson

  • low: Long Lost Happy Morris Bro

Jaden Ivey

  • high: If Victor Oladipo traded his beautiful singing voice for 10 years of prime hooping instead of just the one he got

  • medium: Leandro Barbosa with the hops to match his speed

  • low: The one time Jeremy Lin had dreads

Johnny Davis

  • high: Bootstraps Devin Booker

  • medium: Less Flops, More ProActiv Marcus Smart

  • low: Kareem Rush with a Dick Vitale cosign

AJ Griffin

  • high: Crossfit Michael Redd

  • medium: Black Bogdanovic (pick one)

  • low: Forged Medical Info HIPAA Violation Mr. Saddiq

Jalen Duren

  • high: Jermaine O’Neal x Zangief Fusion

  • medium: Okongwu if he never hooped with the Ball family at Chino Hills

  • low: Daniel Gafford if he had unlimited stamina instead of very limited stamina

Tari Eason

Jeremy Sochan

  • high: Half a foot taller, hair-still-green Marcus Smart

  • medium: Queen’s English McDaniels Bro

  • low: Former pro baller turned hitman in a Guy Ritchie heist film

Ben Mathurin

  • high: Haitian Hield with hops

  • medium: Doug McDermott but less cornfed and more mayi moulen

  • low: Timothe Luwawu-Canada

Ousmane Dieng

Dyson Daniels

  • high: Emperor Red Hair Shanks x Lonzo Ball Fusion

  • medium: Alex Caruso x Ayo Dosunmo fusion, hair like neither

  • low: Frank Ntilikina x Pablo Prigioni fusion

Shaedon Sharpe

  • high: Jetpack Jamal Murray

  • medium: JR Smith if he had to go to college, but didn’t really wanna go

  • low: Cupcake Dunk era Gerald Green

Marjon Beauchamp

  • high: June 2022 Andrew Wiggins

  • medium: Pre-Pistons Paycheck Jerami Grant

  • low: Knicks Ronnie Brewer

Jane Williams

  • high: Gordon Hayward but less Starcraft and more pick-and-rolls

  • medium: Jingles/Jalen Brunson fusion

  • low: Josh Howard, thigh too much weed

Malachi Branham

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